Once upon a time ...
We met in the spring on 2003 ... not a crisp lovely Tennessee style spring, but a sweaty humid oppressive Houston style spring. The kind of spring that made you long for a light breeze...
or a cute boy.
Fast-forward through dating, moving in together (I know, we were so scandalous!) and creating a life. On our third date he looked me right in the eye and say "I am going to marry you someday."
My first instinct was to run, my second to smile.
It was never easy for us. Ever.
The boy of my dreams was here on a visa since he was 5 that meant when school was over, so was he. After 9/11, the US no longer cared if you had been here for almost 20 years, no visa, no longer welcome. I said lets just get married! He said no way, that was a sacred moment that would not be used to solve a problem. So, we fought it, hard.
After $1,000's and years, he was a permanent resident and we got married on the most beautiful September day in 2006. Two starry eyed kids who thought all of their problems were in the rear view mirror and it was time to embrace this new, simple, love filled problem free life. haha!
After a happy first year of marriage, we moved to Nashville to become grown ups with real jobs, and started trying to have a baby. This road would for sure make us grown ups, but that baby thing was more painful than we could have imagined.
After months that turned to years, we finally stopped. Stopped the shots, the meds, the timed every.thing.... we stopped.
Adoption came into our hearts through various people- and now I look back and see it was never ever plan B for us, it was God's plan A since the beginning.
or a cute boy.
Fast-forward through dating, moving in together (I know, we were so scandalous!) and creating a life. On our third date he looked me right in the eye and say "I am going to marry you someday."
My first instinct was to run, my second to smile.
It was never easy for us. Ever.
The boy of my dreams was here on a visa since he was 5 that meant when school was over, so was he. After 9/11, the US no longer cared if you had been here for almost 20 years, no visa, no longer welcome. I said lets just get married! He said no way, that was a sacred moment that would not be used to solve a problem. So, we fought it, hard.
After $1,000's and years, he was a permanent resident and we got married on the most beautiful September day in 2006. Two starry eyed kids who thought all of their problems were in the rear view mirror and it was time to embrace this new, simple, love filled problem free life. haha!
After a happy first year of marriage, we moved to Nashville to become grown ups with real jobs, and started trying to have a baby. This road would for sure make us grown ups, but that baby thing was more painful than we could have imagined.
After months that turned to years, we finally stopped. Stopped the shots, the meds, the timed every.thing.... we stopped.
Adoption came into our hearts through various people- and now I look back and see it was never ever plan B for us, it was God's plan A since the beginning.
In December 2011 my mom suddenly passed away one night in a lovely dreamy state. She never had to be ill, she never suffered. she was just gone. And we were left.
I was childless, motherless. and simply lost.
Then, out of the blue, a friend from my entire life offered her body for my baby. We went through a summer of insane medications, appointments, obsession, and tens of thousands of dollars. We implanted two precious perfect embryos into her waiting tummy. We got pregnant. We were having babies. And then, one hot Friday morning, they were simply lost.
In a moment I will never forget, I wept flat on the floor screaming to God that He had no right to put this desire in my soul to just keep ripping it away. I was so broken that I felt forsaken, and in many ways I hated God. I am not proud of that, but now I know He can and could take it. He knew what my life had become, he had never left me. He knew my losses, and He knew what He had in store. Enter plan A.
I was childless, motherless. and simply lost.
Then, out of the blue, a friend from my entire life offered her body for my baby. We went through a summer of insane medications, appointments, obsession, and tens of thousands of dollars. We implanted two precious perfect embryos into her waiting tummy. We got pregnant. We were having babies. And then, one hot Friday morning, they were simply lost.
In a moment I will never forget, I wept flat on the floor screaming to God that He had no right to put this desire in my soul to just keep ripping it away. I was so broken that I felt forsaken, and in many ways I hated God. I am not proud of that, but now I know He can and could take it. He knew what my life had become, he had never left me. He knew my losses, and He knew what He had in store. Enter plan A.
Our stunningly amazing daughter, Emma, was born on a frigid morning in early December 2011.
I was taught love, joy, and more depth than I could have ever imagined in the love I felt and still feel for her biological family.
Our loved and adored son, Ben, was born on a hot October evening in Florida in 2014. We never held him or knew him, he will likely never know the loss we felt when we were told he was not going to be ours.
Our miracle baby that has given us more love that we could ever know, Claire, was born in an ice storm in February 2015.
I was taught love, joy, and more depth than I could have ever imagined in the love I felt and still feel for her biological family.
Our loved and adored son, Ben, was born on a hot October evening in Florida in 2014. We never held him or knew him, he will likely never know the loss we felt when we were told he was not going to be ours.
Our miracle baby that has given us more love that we could ever know, Claire, was born in an ice storm in February 2015.
Our life has been one adventure after another.
Many with great joy, many with great pain.
One thing always remains the same ... that boy and girl that met all of those years ago...
They are some bad ass people today thanks to all of this, and all that is yet to come.
Many with great joy, many with great pain.
One thing always remains the same ... that boy and girl that met all of those years ago...
They are some bad ass people today thanks to all of this, and all that is yet to come.