The truth about adoption.
Adoption is hard.
Adoption is expensive.
Adoption sucks (at times).
Adoption is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
I am asked about adoption more than anything else in my life. Obviously I am an open book (to a degree) about it, and I want to share with people the truth of the matter.
Adoption is widely discussed on blogs and social media. Here is my take. I have a transracial family that includes white, black, biracial, and Indian. I have a voice that is different than most mothers, one filled with more confidence each and every day.
[I am a mother, not an adoptive mother.]
Biological parents are not referred to as a "vaginal delivery mother," or "Caesarian mother." There is no national IVF month, with blogs and posts about what to do and say to IVF families. I am a proud mother via adoption, but this is not part of my identify it is part of my story. Just as personal as your birth story is, so is mine. I do not need you to precursor and label me. I am the same mother as any other.
[Birth mothers deserve respect not pity.]
Did our birth mother experience loss? Of course. She delivered a child she carried and did not take her home. She took her pregnancy to make a plan and chose us to be there for her. That is an incredible amount of work, and a lot of loss. However I have no need to talk of her assumed grief or emotional destruction- it's my job to make sure she has no worry or fear that she made the right choice for our baby. Ours. There is no mine and theirs in adoption- our children deserve an army behind them making the right choices and decisions. If a case is closed and the birth mother never knows another thing, it is even more vital for her to know her child's family will always honor and cherish her for making the best decision, and allow the best decisions to always be made for them. I will not allow my daughters to think their lives are their birth mothers greatest losses- they are her greatest victory. There is pain, but there is much much more joy and pride.
[Adoption is totally for everyone.]
We experienced years of infertility, and chose adoption after not being able to have biological children. Some would say it was our second choice, and it was. However our first choice was wrong. The plan for our family was to parent the children intended for us- and those children were never going to happen regardless of the surgeries, tens of thousands of dollars, or waiting. Our family is built by adoption- it was and will be the first choice for us. Adoption is a gut wrenching, beautiful, horrifying, isolating, amazing experience. It requires you to literally allow your soul to reside outside of your body until your child is home- and results in every single corner of your life to be exposed. Tax records? Finger prints? Sex life? Medical history? Have you ever seen a therapist? Taken a prescription? Got caught in college with a joint? Be prepared to talk about every single part. Anything you are ashamed of? It's going to come up. To your case worker who is studying your home, as well as the lawyer representing you and possibly the judge you will go before. Then you are going to spend your life savings, take out loans, beg for money fundraising while selling your soul for each donation, and clean out your 401k for the pleasure. Worth every bit? Without a doubt. However it is clearly not for everyone.
[Say what you want, and so will I.]
We are a society of new lists on social media. 5 things to say, 23 things not to, or 17 things that maybe will make it ok to say whatever you want. Here is the reality, people are going to ask inappropriate questions and say stupid things. If you choose to comment on my life, I am allowed to reply as I wish. I may educate you. I may tell you to shut your face. It's all about choices.
In a sea of exposure, all of this has so very little to do with us, and everything to do with our children.
Now. Head to the comments section below and ask me things you want to know!!