my thoughts on staying (the million $ question)
The past 5 months of our life has been utter insanity.
Chad lost his job, and the world began spinning out of control. I am a stay at home mom. He is a working dad. This is not right, how can we do this?!
In a time of the most uncertainty of our lives, we drew close to one another and to our baby girls. Chad applied, interviewed, applied, interviewed … started a new consulting company to make ends come as close to meeting as possible, I started babysitting; we were doing all we could to make it work. One day with extra kids in our house and no time to talk, we whispered the decision. It was time to expand the search and move to be near family that could help us through this. My amazing brother and his adorable wife opened their home to us, and we put a for sale sign in the yard of our Nashville life.
We were devastated and excited, heart broken and hopeful.
One day, two calls. Everything changed.
My aunt calls to say we have a cash offer on the table and can actually be closed and moving to VA within a couple of weeks. Tears were everywhere, out of thankfulness, fear, sadness, excitement … and then that second call. A job he and his close friend have been working toward making happen this whole 5 months was now his. Do we stay? Do we go? All of the prayers and hopes were answered in one day. In two very, very different ways.
The answers became clear and the solutions were simple … stay put. However the emotions were not. I was mad. I was sad. I was relieved. I was a basket case.
Uncertainty has to be one of the most difficult emotions. With joy or grief, you know where you stand. With loss or gain, you know how you feel. With uncertainty, you are looking at every single angle of your own life and wondering what in the actual hell is happening here. I wanted to blame Chad, I wanted to be mad. So, Chad being Chad, he said lets pack the car and go to VA. Let’s hug the necks of the people that were welcoming us with open arms, let’s let our girls be kids for one last week of this crazy summer, let’s be free for just a minute. He was crazy.
So was I. We went.
10 days of family, food, drinks, friends, laughs, tears… we had to come to terms with this as a family. The life my sister and I had dreamed of was not happening. The hopes of everything falling into a perfect place was extinguished. The life we wanted was not going to be. However the life we had was right here waiting for us.
As we drove back to Nashville stuffed to the gills with love and satisfaction, we realized this was our next step in life. We took a moment to walk away so we could love coming home- and it was the best thing we ever did.
So for the numerous people that have asked “how do you feel about staying?” I say, I feel amazing. For those that have been on this insane journey with us, thank you from the bottom of my heart. One great friend said “I have whiplash watching your life!” ME.TOO.
My cozy little nest in my bedroom is mine. My perfect room for my girls is mine. My happy little family with our happy little life is mine. Staying put right here for right now is just where my soul is supposed to be.
For anyone facing something that just does not make sense, try to remember this little though from your pal Kristin … the answer to your problem is the last piece of the puzzle. You might have a lot of other pieces that have to fall into place before that perfect solution presents itself.